you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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