Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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