I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
