There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
