Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
