Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
