So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
