Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
