the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
