Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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