When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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