Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
