I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
