mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
