She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
