Where did you get a picture of my penis
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
