i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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