Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
