my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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