Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
