Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he thought i was a dude.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I didn't notice because vodka
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
