did you get engaged???
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
