I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize