Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
