When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
