I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
