How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
