who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
