how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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