I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Small penises have feelings too.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
false alarm, still single
Randomize
