Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
