Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
