Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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