carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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