At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
