If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
