My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
