The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
