there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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