Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
