So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
