I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
