Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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