Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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