how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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