is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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