I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
