I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
