whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
