I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
