John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
