Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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