I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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