Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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