I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
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I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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