I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i believe in u and ur pee
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
