I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
