Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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