I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.