Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said