I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."