I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
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theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.