he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
