Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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