My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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