And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize