Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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