Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
