I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
