i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
