Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
