She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
