the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
