Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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