I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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