Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
