Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
