I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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