I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You are a genius and a whore.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
