I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
