xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
