About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
