i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
