I feel like abortions should bother me more
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So much Jack, so little girl.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
