I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
