so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
