You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
