This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
