You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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