I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
