Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So much Jack, so little girl.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
