i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The Olympian is in my bed
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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