at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
